Today, well, this morning, at almost 5 am, I am feeling better. Could be because I've been wide awake for a few hours and still have that chipper feeling of insomnia, or it could be because I'm working hard to turn my bad attitude around.
I'm trying to complain only when I need to. I tend to, by my own (ashamed) admittance, complain way too often. I don't mean to complain, but sometimes I just don't know what to say, or I use it as a starting off point to a conversation, but really, who wants to continue when you are just being crabby about nothing?!
"So, I really hate socks, they are sooo annoying."
"Yeah, uhm, okay."
"Yeah, uhm, okay."
And then there it stops, awkward.
Also, I want to try not to engage in arguments with Husband. We both have anxieties over stupid shit, so I'll go first and let him have his, which I usually do and only bite when he makes it extremely personal and hurtful, and try really really really hard to just remember he's freaking out or hurting in some other way and doesn't know how else to do it. If I just let him go at it by himself he will just eventually stop trying to argue about everything. I swear the man wanted to start an argument about the daily chores I was just listing aloud at the breakfast table.
It's nonsense to argue with emotions. I expect him not to argue when I get crazy, even though most of the time he does, I should just do it with him all the time. Maybe it will, or maybe it won't resonate as something useful to do.
Also, because this is turning out to be a New Years resolution type post, feeling refreshed still, I am going to meditate more often. I am going to start by going to the place in the city where it's all about it, learn what I can, and go every week that I can. I need to be more self reflective.
Always room for improvement. Not that I'm not happy with who I am, I just think I could be better and happier with everything.
I'm going to start with those goals. If meditating really only means being able to take a short hike in the woods alone on the weekend, I'll take it. I need an hour to just get back to LIFE!
Alright 2011, bring it on. I'm ready for the challenges I will face, because I am strong! I will only use what you throw at me to gain strength :)
