Holidays

Wow.

All I have to say about the holidays is they are not meant for people with anxiety. It's a brothel for anxieties..they just breed with each other.

I had four panic attacks before Church yesterday and one in church. Fortunately we started singing and it calmed me. Like a baby you might say!

I panicked about everything. Well, mostly, in all rationality, it was nothing, a lot of nothing.

I get so concerned about everyone else's happiness I forget my own.

Poof. I think it left at Thanksgiving.

I think my sanity and my happiness joined hands and said "Peace dude. This town is too small."

There they left me, stranded.

If I can just make it through..should we drive to PA tomorrow?! Should we have people up next weekend even though there is a wedding we will be at until 1am or who knows?

I just don't know if it would have been better to do it all one weekend and recover this week, or to spread it out and..stress longer?! ha. No idea.

Why can't we just stay home and curl up into our beds and watch movies and eat chocolate?

Family? I have such a large family and I feel like I have nothing to say. I'm a stay at home Mom, and one cousin is a lawyer, the others been in the Peace Corps, most of them are in college or are super smart. Interesting.

"Hey, what have you been up to?"
"Oh me? Well, usually I get up and clean, then play, then clean up someone's accident of some sort, wait for my son to poo, make dinner, clean up, watch the tube and pass out."

Not exciting, nothing anyone can escape into.

They all know I'm a looney. I feel like they avoid me. Maybe it's I avoid them. I make small talk, I try to get people to talk about themselves, but my family is TOO NICE! haha..if that exists.

I love them to death, but I feel like the black sheep for sure. Kid out of wedlock, crazy, married eventually..doing it all backwards and WRONG.

Holidays. Days that we have to perform hardest out of any other day. To try to shine our brightest so we don't look like lumps.

Maybe it's because I'm tired, but bah humbug!